Two steps forward, one step back.
The hesitation pattern of my life.
Second guessing.
Overthinking.
Two steps forward, one step back.
I am my own worst critic.
You will fail.
You will embarrass yourself.
You. Are. Not. Good. Enough.
The thoughts that cloud my mind.
I have never been a good friend to myself.
I can pick myself apart.
Any award or accomplishment I have received has been ripped apart in my mind.
Luck.
Chance.
They felt sorry for you.
The thoughts that cloud my mind.
When I was in fourth grade I was awarded the honor of student of the month. Some girls at school snickered behind my back. In a bathroom stall I heard them gush about how the teachers felt sorry for me.
Words of judgement slipped through their nine year old mouths rather quickly.
“Did you notice her bruises?”
“Her hair is always a mess.”
“Does she only own one pair of shoes?”
Walls built, my heart as guarded as can be. I remember walking out of that stall with my head held high.
The front I show to the world is confident.
Controlled.
Powerful.
Motivated.
Gritty.
But I can pick myself apart.
You will fail.
You will embarrass yourself.
You. Are. Not. Good. Enough.
Two steps forward, one step back.
It could be worse.
It’s slow movement but its movement.
GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD, BRANDY.
Stride.
Move.
Try.
Hesitate no more.
Life is too short, too fragile, and too uncertain to take so many steps backward.
I want the front that I show the world to be my reality.
Confident.
Controlled.
Powerful.
Motivated.
Gritty.
Maybe one day I’ll be her. Until then I’ll admit to the world that I pick myself apart.
Because maybe I’m not alone in this.
Maybe we are all criticizing who we are instead of loving ourselves as we should.
You will succeed.
You will be proud of yourself.
You ARE good enough.
You are not alone.
